If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
