Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
