Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
