....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This can only be settled by a dance off.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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