Screwed.edu
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
