youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
