I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
