there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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