i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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