She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
