And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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