so let's talk penis.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
