he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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