You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
