I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
