I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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