I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
