so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
