Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
