WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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