i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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