Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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