Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
