no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I love having hate sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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