She's JV to your varsity
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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