I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
