he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
