SEEEEXXX PLEASE
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
