Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
