How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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