never play flip cup with pint glasses
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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