why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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