He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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