watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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