The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
