she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
