I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
