bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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