kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
