yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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