And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
