You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
