I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
