The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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