and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
