Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
