Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
