my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
