Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
