garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
