I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
