11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
