Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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