im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
