So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
