she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
