I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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