Welp...herpes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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