I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
vagina is talking i cant
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
