he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
